yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
