Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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