I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
