You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
