Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
