I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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