Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
