i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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