all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's blow job season.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
