I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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