He told me they were just razor bumps!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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