I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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