I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
