My room smells like vodka and shame
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
