I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
