i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
