genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
