I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Me too!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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