You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
