Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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