i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
