in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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