i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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