It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
