Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
