I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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