Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
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When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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