I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
