Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it's like heaven, but drunker
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
