i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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