he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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