Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
