On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
