It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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