Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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