You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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