I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
