Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
