I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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