i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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