just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
