I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize