I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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