its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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