so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
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I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
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He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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