we're blogging at a bar
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The uberlube is also flammable
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
