I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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