i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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