My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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