He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
