He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
