found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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