She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
