We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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