I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
All I want is dick and wine.
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