so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
