we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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