Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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