So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
