Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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