You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
