I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you never un-have a 4some
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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