You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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