tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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