Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
