he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize