Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
