Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
