Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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