The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Buhtt sex?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I pour the whiskey from now on
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize