If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
