Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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