I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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