I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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