she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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