North Korea, Best Korea!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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