I could have mohawked her pubes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
