Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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