So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
