Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
