Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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