If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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