Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize