I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
