i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
