Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
