It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You're so nebulous sometimes
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
