There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize