With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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