i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Small penises have feelings too.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
